HOW I WORK ALONE.

I think I underestimated what a lonely place it would be, to be self employed.

It’s been two whole years and it was only yesterday that it dawned on me.

I feel alone.

It’s no surprise to myself, or you, I’m sure - that working for myself has been a contributing factor to my ongoing struggle with depression.

I’ve battled with constant demons, that nasty little bugger on my shoulder telling me that:

‘No more work is coming in’

‘You’re never going to get paid’

‘So and so is way better’

It goes without saying, then, that those thoughts haven't made me the happiest.

But whilst I’ve been so wrapped up in this bubble of depression I hadn’t stopped to take in my surroundings.

I beat myself up daily for not wanting to get out of bed, or that when I do I can only concentrate for half an hour at a time before I either need a nap or distract myself with something completely unnecessary.

It wasn't until my best friend was home, visiting from Cardiff, that I woke up from this dizzy haze I’d been in.

She was home and I had a mountain of work to do, and so I said:

‘I want to see you! But I need to work! Can I just come over and we’ll work, together?'

Of course she said yes, and I got more done in two hours than I usually get done in two days. I couldn't believe it when it was midday and I’d finished everything on my to-do list.

Why was that?!

It was because I was lonely.

I’ve spent nearly every working day for the last two years on my own - and do you know what? I hate it.

I love my own company, and so I’d never considered I wouldn't enjoy working alone.

My predicament still stood though. My best friend was headed back to Cardiff and I don’t know anyone else that lives close enough to me to work with every day - nor can I really justify renting out an office space.

And so today I decided to go to a local coffee shop. I figured I’d spend a couple of quid on getting a breakfast, connecting to their wifi and seeing whether simply being in others company, whether they’re strictly with me or not, would help.

Shock horror: I powered on through all day and achieved everything I wanted to.

It’s taking me some time, working out how I can make myself happy - but it looks like we're one step closer; and I think more and more I'm realising, no-one has the answers, only you can realise what will work for you.

Photography by Alexandra Cameron