Mean Girls | Guest Post | Corin Leigh Jackson

Today is a slightly different post from the norm. Firstly it will not be myself writing to you lovely lot, no no, it will be the absolutely gorgeous Corin, from OH! is for openminded. Secondly, it's not going to be a ramble about her favourite lippy or new handbag. Oh no! Prepare yourself for some girl on girl 'politics' ladies (& gents if you're reading)....

Mean Girls: Why do women dislike each other?

‘Jealousy, like the flawed love that bears it, has norespect for time or space or wisely reasoned argument. Jealousy can raise thedead with a single spiteful taint, or hate a perfect stranger for nothing morethan the sound of his name.’

Whilst this quote from David Gregory’s Shantaram mightseem a little overpowering, I can’t get away from the truth it inspires. Thelast words in particular ring with an inescapable sense of familiarity:jealousy provokes the hatred of ‘a perfect stranger’ for no real reason at all.

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I’ve oftenasked myself whether most of the tension that seems to crop up amongst thefemale sex is simply due to jealousy. I’m beginning to think that it might betrue. Well, not jealousy as such, more as a result of the hidden insecuritieswhich lurk, miserably, in the depths of us all. These insecurities manifestthemselves in numerous ways, one being the manner in which we relate to others,particularly those we’re in direct competition with. 

Imagine yourself walking down the street. An attractivegirl about your age walks past you, it’s suddenly awkward and you have to makethe sub conscious decision whether to look straightforward with a concentratedfrown, look down, or smile. If you don’t smile you find yourself wondering why,if you do, and they don’t smile back, you instantly dislike her. Naturally. Allthe while, she was probably trying to make the same split-second decision,wondering why she made the one she did. It’s no different to when you walk pasta good-looking guy. If you don’t smile, it’s because you don’t want him KNOWINGthat you think he’s hot, combined with the fear that he fails to smile back.I’d quite like to focus on this idea of knowledge and the problem we seem tohave with people knowing how attractive, or confident, or better off they seemin comparison to ourselves.

Unsurprisingly, I’m going to bring Facebook into the mix.It dramatises the concept brilliantly. For example, a fairly average lookinggirl (I’m not being mean here, just honest), with an overly photo shoppedprofile picture will, nine times out of ten, receive more positive attentionfor it than a naturally pretty or ‘fit’ girl with an eye-catching profilepicture. The reason? If she’s decidedly average, she deserves a confidenceboost, and gains support simply for being non-threatening to another girl’sself-esteem. People don’t think the pretty girl needs a reminder of how goodshe looks, when in reality of course, she does. We all do. I’d love to give somephoto examples here but that really would be mean.

For some unknown reason, and we all do it, we struggle tocompliment those who look or come across better than we do. It’s a persistentflaw that resides in a large proportion of us. What I’d like to know is why thehell we are all so insecure? Surely by now we’ve grasped the concept that justbecause someone is more conventionally attractive, doesn’t mean they have alife to be envious of, and it certainly doesn’t mean that they are any lessinsecure. After all, insecurity if often masked with aveil of confidence.

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It has dawned on me that we’re so harsh on ourselves thatwe’re becoming even harsher on others to compensate for it. Either we take adisliking to someone because they don’t live up to our standards, or because(more likely) they exceed our own capabilities and we feel threatened, beateneven, by them. Don’t get me wrong, competition is natural and healthy –we’redesigned to compete for a partner in life, we’re genetically programmed tocompete for survival. I get it. However, we also use to think that women weredesigned to have children and not a lot else, and we soon did something aboutthat. Isn’t our generation of women designed to take expectation and tell it topiss off? I thought so.

As much as it’s hard to come to terms with the notion ofdisliking strangers, what I find even more difficult to grasp is the extent towhich friends, good solid friends, seem to dislike each other too. I think, inmany ways, friends are in even more direct competition with each other. Thedynamics are emphasised further still where a friendship group is concerned.Not only within that friendship group, but in a form of rivalry from onefriendship group to another. It’s madness when you think about it. We’re allthe same really. Then again, that alone is a problematic thought for a lot ofus.

I think what we all have to bare in mind is that just becausesomebody seems happy as Larry bouncing around Facebook in their size 6 leopardprint bikini, it doesn’t mean that their any less insecure than you or I. Rememberwhen you were at Primary school and one of the golden rules was to treat peoplehow you’d like to be treated? Well, it’s still true. There is nothing worsethan when a girl says ‘I hate her, I don’t know why, I just do.’ We all do it.It baffles me. Let’s not. 

I'm so blown away by Corin's incredible writing style, and this post feels perfect for my blog. We should all be sharing a little bit more love in this blogging (and real life) world, don't you think?! If you want to read some more wonderful pieces by Corin, then hop on over to her blog. Literally, I get lost in it for hours. Plus, she's actually gorgeous..Lauren Conrad the II anyone?

And a lovely little note from the lady herself: I'd just like to say that it was actually Megan herself who inspired the thoughts behind what I've written - she's just so damn nice! And an absolute pleasure to work with. Blogging is the perfect way to build relationships - the security of being able to be who you wish will triumph over any lurking insecurities...
Corin x