COPING WITH ANXIETY.

I had such an incredible response to my initial Anxiety blog post - so firstly, I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for being so supportive, encouraging and for a lot of you, confiding in me. I'm still entirely overwhelmed by how amazing you all really are, really.If you have emailed me RE: my first blog post, please accept my humungous apologies if I haven't yet replied. Some of you will have received a (delayed) response, but there are a fair few I haven't hard the courage to reply to yet. When I first made that post live, everything was extremely raw for me, and it still is - and as selfish as it may be, I just didn't have the strength to feel I could muster a good enough response. It will be coming though, and I'm so thankful to anyone who took the time to write to me, truly.It's been 2 months since I first visited my GP - so many of you have shared how you find it incredibly difficult to take this step and there are even more who have said that they find the NHS and GP's dreadful to deal with. I know that sometimes, they can be a bit crappy, but ultimately it is up to us to take that initial step. Do your research, scout around and find out what others have experienced or who might be the best people to talk to about it. Perhaps, if you are feeling too anxious about going to your GP's, request a booked telephone conversation first and have notes written down about what you want to say/suggest - sometimes that's a little easier, than looking someone in the eye and challenging their point of view. Or look into Mind Charity, they have heaps of information on what we're going through.I was massively skeptical about taking medication for my anxiety, I didn't like the idea of something else controlling my feelings, my emotions, who I am - it's scary. But I sat down and spent a whole evening thinking about it. The conclusion? It’s not controlling me, it’s helping me become more like the person I was before, the more settled version of myself.

I was prescribed Citalopram (10mg), with 1 tablet to be taken daily. It takes a while for them to get in to your system, changes aren't apparent immediately – but after 2 weeks I started to notice things changing, as did others around me.

Daniel was the first to notice that I was far more relaxed, less tense and smiling more. However, when instances reared their ugly head that would usually bring on my anxiety, the symptoms were still the same. I was still overcome with sickness by what would appear to be simple tasks, even meeting best friends for dinner made me feel awful.

My GP also prescribed me Prochlorperazine, a reasonably strong sedative, used for treatment of vertigo and to ease vomiting for treatments such as Chemotherapy. I was advised to take this in emergency situations, but only for pre-meditated instances – for example if I knew something was coming up that was a big deal I’d take this tablet the night before, which should then help me sleep and relax my stomach. The first time I took this (prior to my big day in London) it worked like a dream, I felt like a different person and that I could conquer anything. The last 2 times I’ve taken it, it’s had absolutely no effect. I’ve woken up early hours of the morning vomiting, sweating, shaking - god knows how I managed to drag myself out of the house to do the things I’d committed myself to.So, two months later (last week) I went back to my GP. I explained all of the above and we re-did the anxiety level test, my symptoms had improved slightly – due to the Citalopram improving my general mood. She suggested that we up my dosage to 20mg, which should help those extreme cases become less intense, making the Prochlorperazine redundant.

That was all she suggested.

I sat back whilst she was typing her notes and a million thoughts were racing around my head. I DON’T WANT TO BE ON MEDICATION. I DON’T WANT TO BE PANICKING ABOUT THE FACT I’LL BE PANICKING WHEN SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS. I DON’T WANT TO FEEL ALONE.

I kept myself together and blurted out ‘What about CBT?’. The only reason I was thinking about it, was because of you lot, telling me how amazing it was. She immediately turned around and said ‘definitely, 100%’. I was taken aback, I mean, why hadn’t she suggested it? But it didn’t matter. I’d done my research, I’d reached out to regular people for advice and they’d given me the solution for me to give to my GP. Immediately she wrote up a referral letter and I’m now in the process of finding a local therapist. CBT will go hand in hand with my medication. Honestly? I'm scared. I still don't have any techniques that work for me to cope with the symptoms, but I'm taking each day as it comes....a long story short? I’m not cured, but I know I’m better than I was back in February.

I’ve spoken out, I’ve seen my GP, I’ve leaped over my own obstacles to take my mental health to the next positive stage. I’ve taken charge of mylife.

I’m realising more and more that even though life is seriously, amazingly difficult, I have more strength than I ever imagined.