NEW YEAR, NO GOALS.
I could’ve sat and watched everyone’s recaps of their 2017 year achievements online forever and a day, there were so many.
Each made me feel happy and warm inside. Proud to know so many wonderful people fulfilling their dreams.
Although a big part of me couldn’t help but think how I couldn’t stand to look back at my own year, I simply wanted to look forward.
I think, in reality, when you’re simply trying to survive, everything else pales in comparison.
No achievement, no matter how big or small, could trump survival.
And if all you did this year was survive, too, know that’s enough.
You are enough.
Comparison is the mother of all ahem, f*ckers - and she’s unavoidable. Of course we;re going to look at others and feel small, disposable.
But we aren’t.
I always fear a new year, that if I haven’t set myself goals I’m already failing, on the back-foot before I’ve even started.
One of my best friends asked ‘What are your plans for 2018?’.
'I don’t really have any’ I replied.
But actually, that was a lie.
My plan for 2018 is to be. Exist in the moment and try to lift worries from my shoulders as much as possible.
I want to continue to work hard, on myself, my mental health, my relationships and everything else? Everything else will be a bonus.
I want to have existed in a world that I’ve appreciated, that I’ve soaked up and lived in. I don’t want to pass through wondering what if I was different. What a waste of time that would be.
Because I am not different, I am me. And if a list of goals isn’t what I need to make this year a success, that’s okay.
Basically Mary said it best:
When it's over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.
When it is over, I don't want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.
I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.
Let this be the year for just being okay.